Self-leadership: Why blaming others holds you back from growth


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The tendency to blame external factors for our career challenges is common – whether it’s pointing fingers at managers, tight budgets, or unsupportive leadership teams. Content teams even blame algorithms for less-than-perfect content performance. Talk about things out of our control. But this mindset might be the very thing holding us back from reaching our full potential.

The reality is that success starts with mastering self leadership. Let’s explore what that means and how to embrace it.

What is self-leadership?

According to leadership expert and author Heather R. Younger, self-leadership is about “working inwardly to be able to shine outwardly. ” It’s a journey that encompasses resilience, self-direction, self-care, and empowerment—all focused on continuous personal growth.

The art of self-leadership book

This concept moves beyond traditional leadership frameworks that focus solely on managing others. Instead, it emphasizes the importance of first leading yourself effectively before attempting to influence or lead others.

“We got to look past this. We got to learn to lead ourselves. Stop blaming other people, stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting for other people to do things,” Heather explains. “We need to make sure that we’re on this journey and can own it on our own.”

Why is self-leadership important?

The significance of self-leadership becomes clear when we examine workplace dynamics. Many professionals find themselves stuck in patterns of external blame, attributing their lack of progress to circumstances beyond their control. However, this mindset severely limits personal and professional growth.

Consider this: When facing workplace challenges, many people’s first response is to cite obstacles. While these challenges are real, focusing solely on external factors leaves us powerless to effect change.

And let’s not forget that the employer-employee relationship has evolved significantly. Unlike previous generations, when employees might stay with one company for decades, today’s professionals change jobs every few years. This shift makes self-leadership even more crucial. Your development can’t rely solely on your current employer’s initiatives.

Read next: Mastering the Art of Leadership: Be a better leader today

Great leadership starts with self-leadership

The connection between self-leadership and effective overall leadership becomes evident in how we handle workplace situations. Heather shares an example of a team member in her mid-twenties who regularly challenged ideas and presented alternative viewpoints—not emotionally but with objective reasoning.

“She would go, ‘I don’t know if that’s the right way to go.’ And she would always question, always question, and she would always kind of challenge, and she’d give me reasons why. And it wasn’t emotional. It was always kind of like an objective view of things,” Heather recalls.

This kind of self-directed behavior exemplifies how self-leadership manifests in the workplace. It’s about having the confidence to speak up, the wisdom to do so constructively, and the self-awareness to maintain professionalism even when challenging ideas.

Reality check, though: The power dynamics in workplaces still often favor employers, but self-leadership allows individuals to navigate these relationships more effectively. It’s about finding your voice while maintaining professional relationships and contributing to organizational success.

Self-leadership strategies

Developing strong self-leadership requires specific strategies and practices. Here are key approaches to strengthen your self-leadership capabilities:

Practice personal advocacy

Heather shares a story about someone who was frustrated with a manager’s lack of responsiveness on a project. Instead of remaining stuck, they took the initiative by scheduling a brief meeting with the manager’s administrative assistant to clarify expectations and move forward.

This example demonstrates how personal advocacy works in practice. It’s about finding constructive ways to get what you need rather than waiting for others to notice your challenges.

Read next: Why results and respect in the workplace matter

Build resilience through self-care

Self-care is a crucial component of self-leadership. “I think of self-care as the ability to create an armor around us that can strengthen our outside when the world is kind of hitting us about,” Heather explains.

The key is finding what works for you personally. This might include:

To identify your most effective self-care practices, Heather suggests reflecting on moments when you felt most at peace and centered. “Write down the times when you felt the most at peace, when you felt the most strong. Write down what was happening in those situations.”

Overcome limiting fears

Understanding and addressing fears is essential for self-leadership. Heather advises examining whether fears are rational or irrational and whether they were “given to you, either through an experience or through some kind of belief system that somebody put in your head when you’re younger.”

Once you identify the source of your fears, work on reframing them and developing strategies to move past them. This might involve seeking professional help, developing new perspectives, or gradually facing challenges that push you outside your comfort zone.

Take ownership of development

While organizations may offer development opportunities, true self-leadership means taking charge of your own growth. This includes:

Self-leadership isn’t about going at it alone. It’s about taking responsibility for your journey while effectively engaging with others who can support your growth. As workplace dynamics continue to evolve, the ability to lead yourself becomes increasingly valuable.

Self-leadership isn’t about ignoring external challenges or pretending organizational constraints don’t exist. Instead, it’s about focusing on what you can control and influence while building the resilience and skills needed to navigate workplace challenges effectively.


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